It could be my attention span, but I also find sans serif fonts to be oppressively mundane, and this note's prose is stilted, clunky, and repetitious. Also, tl;dr.
~Office Lackey Jack
An evil vending machine that took much joy in stealing from us. I don't think the people contracted to refill the machine ever got tired of removing the post-its, either!
Man, the news sucks tonight! When are we gonna get to the robberies and homicides?
Today's gonna be a good day, I just know it!