Death

Death late playing hooky sick days - 5072805376
By Unknown
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It's a good thing nobody over 60 works in an internet company office, because if he were ever late to work, all his office supplies would be claimed in 5 minutes.

~OLJ

Death error error message it server tech support - 5152210176
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Error messages are starting to get too disturbing for those with delicate sensibilities. From now on, error messages should come in the form of cat pictures.

Death food service scale sign threats - 5011787520
By Unknown
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Death by getting your skull split open with a giant ballpoint pen. The pen is mightier etc. etc.

~OLJ