wood

By Unknown
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"Bought this car for $300, I finally sold this car when the axle was about to rust out of the frame. I got $300 for it."

Now that's Das Auto! ... Wait, no, that's Volkswagen... You know what, I don't care, it's Das Auto anyway!

Sack Strapped
By Unknown
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"Bought hanging pepper bag, but I didn't have a place to hang it on my balcony, so I lashed a shepherd's crook to my old satellite dish stand with 2 dozen zip strips. It still wasn't sturdy enough, so I jammed a piece of wood in the pipe to lengthen it."

I believe it was the philosopher Young Jeezy who once told us all to stay strapped. Glad to see you're taking his advice!