Somehow, you will still manage to step on this piece.
Hmm... actually, no. Too small. Needs more douchebag, stat!
"Tired" of using a regular old bumper?
Is another man's freaking awesome footwear. Good work, kid. If I were near you I would buy everything in stock.
If you have a little lack of hair at the back of your head, try applying a patch of duct tape. I promise people will stop staring at your bald spot.