It's not his fault you chose the cheapest internet service that loses connectivity every 45 minutes.
If it's not a Ticonderoga #2, you shouldn't be writing with it anyway.
Just remember your network key.
We'll take this baby back to 1975.
We take what's internal and make external. And sideways. And held on with tape. Don't complain, we take your HMO.
Even in it most literal sense, calling him a "diaper head" is still wildly inappropriate.