From the submitter:
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do when spring hits.
Now I have the sudden urge to crack a beer and throw some meat on the grill. The server's hot enough to grill stuff on, right?
My old laptop finally snapped; it had to be strung up or it would flip its lid.
Computer battery broken? No problem! Just weld on a 12V boat battery. 70 pounds is a bit much for a "portable computer," but it's better than no computer at all!
Then strap your laptop instead!