Don't worry guys:
I got this.
Submitter gsimon was in a hotel room with no phone charger. A data cable, a paper clip, a key, and the batteries from the keyboard of the set-top box combined to make a fine substitute.
Since the handle of Maid of Light's bike key broke off, this is how they've been opening their bike lock for the last week.
The wireless version is much less practical.
Make your own screwdriver-key and feel like a thieving badass, like from the movies!