A chandelier. With solar-powered lights. Under a canopy. Being held up by a flashlight.
It falls a bit short in the "stealth" department, but you can't have your cake and eat it too, so shut up.
Set scan range: 5 meters. Windspeed: 4 MPH coming from Jeff's fan in the southwest corner of the room. Target is stationary, watching movie on his laptop. Permission to engage?
Then we shall shovel in The dark!