The Call Is Coming From Inside the House

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The Call Is Coming From Inside the House
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Right next to the window. ~Not-So-Handy Andy

Why Spend Money on Curtains?

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Why Spend Money on Curtains?
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"With my wife wanting to pick out curtains for our apartment and me getting tired of being woken up by the sun every morning I figured "curtains" consisting of trash bags and aluminum foil would help move her along to making a proper selection. Also doubles as a way to discourage guests as she doesn't want anyone seeing this hack job."

Not to mention it protects your against aliens reading your minds! Bonus!