"I see, Mr. Obvious. Now tell me why exactly you're applying for this position."
A list of our grievances with your Etsy listing:
It's obvious you love your body, and that's great, especially after it's been through at least one pregnancy and labor. But you're on a site for selling handmade craft products, not your body, so please consider that before you point the camera directly at the cavernous maw between your widely spread legs.
You're modelling the same string bikini you're selling? Anyone who even considers buying it will have to take into account that it's already been used as your own personal butthole floss.
Of all the parts of your body, those areas are the WORST to get wool-induced itchiness and rashes.
NINETY-FIVE DOLLARS??!!?!??!????? (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)