Valentines day

Wasn't yesterday just fanfuckintastic? A ton of lovedrunk, pie-eyed couples aspiring to realize their dreams of finally living out the rom-com movie they loved, and you loathed...madly running around for overpriced dinners, and budget-obliterating bottles of wine at tastefully overcrowded candlelit ristorantes (cause that's how you fancy spell restaurants, right) staffed by polished and meticulously groomed waiters that expect nothing less than the hefty kind of tip that'll send a man into a brothy sea of Top Ramen till next paycheck. Yeah, all rants aside. The 'holiday' is over, and these people brought their A game on Twitter when it came to expressing their 'Valentines Remorse' or lack thereof.

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Time to up the game over there guys, because this 'heart-shaped' pizza only ended up looking like a dough-slinging chef missed his lunch break and had to take a bite out of something before popping the next batch of breadsticks in the oven. 

The context of this situation only makes this FAIL more spectacular: sounds like the dude's girlfriend was trying to surprise him with a heart-shaped pizza at work, which is serious brownie points on steroids. Truly, a lady after my own heart. If only the Domino's pizza factory in question was up to the challenge. There's always next year.

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Via: WatchCut Video
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Well well, this didn't fail to capture the endearing awkwardness of a couple of life's milestones. What better time to rehash on the cringe-inducing times of old than Valentine's Day or (Happy Alone Day)?

Well, that seals the deal: we're all getting lucky in one way or another tonight, am I right? The results themselves here are about on par with what you'd expect for the notorious, romantically-inclined, ever-commercialized holiday. People near and far definitely have the hard hearts on for the knee-buckling kind of orgasm that's artificially love-induced. 

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Sometimes you can do something special by doing nothing. If you successfully avoid these cards, you are doing that special someone and yourself a service. No one wants a bad Valentine, so do him or her a favor and just get some chocolates. 

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It's a great measure of assurance to read through these botched attempts, full-fledged romantic fails, and know that there's gotta be someone out there having a worse time of that crazy little thing called love (on Valentine's Day, no less) than your sorry ass. If there's one Pro Tip that stuck out from the pack here, it's that you probably shouldn't opt for gifting the box of fire ants, bro. My best bet is that's the kind of gift that'll never fail to end up biting you in the ass. 

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