A Bank Robber is Behind Bars After Posting All of His Deeds on Instagram

Favorite
- -

The best part? He insists that he just "politely asked" for the $150,000 and the bank teller gave it to him willingly. That's no way to get faves and likes, dude.

Lawsuit of the Day: A Nebraska Woman is Suing All Homosexuals in the Name of Jesus

Favorite
funny-news-fail-omaha-gay-sue
- -

A 66-year old woman from Nebraska is suing all gay people, because she thinks homosexuality is a sin, and she wants the law to finally acknowledge it.

Also because she is out of her mind.

Sylvia Driskell filed the lawsuit on May 1 with U.S. District Court of Omaha, and in a handwritten, 7-page document she lists herself as the “ambassador” for the plaintiffs “God and his son, Jesus Christ.”

The defendants are listed as simply “homosexuals” – presumably, every single one of them – which would make for quite a full courtroom.

Here are a few passages from the lengthy, incoherent argument:

I Sylvia Ann Driskell; Contented that homosexuality is a sin, And that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in a closet.


Never before has Our great Nation the United States of America And our great State of Nebraska; been besiege by sin; The way to destroy any Nation, or State is to destroy its morals; Look what happen to Sodom and Gomorrah two city because of the same immoral behavior thats present in Our Nation, in Our States, and our Cities; God destroy them.

After the news broke, Dan Savage simply Tweeted that he hopes to get a chance to testify, which would be amazing.



You can read the whole insane document here.

Discovery of the Day: Grandmother Finds c0caine in Nature Valley Granola Bar

Favorite
- -

Breakfast of champions.

When Cynthia Rodriguez opened up her Nature Valley granola bar back in March, something dropped out and she thought she had won some sort of prize.

It turns out the “prize” was actually a tiny bag of c0caine, according to KENS5 News.

The Texas woman reported it to the authorities, who confirmed it was a drug, but they don’t yet know how it got into her snack treat.

General Mills, which owns the Nature Valley brand, released a statement on Wednesday denying anything to do with it.

“We referred this to the police department in March, and are confident this did not happen in our facility,” they said.

Rodriguez said she got the granola bars as part of a sample pack from someone a local store and it didn’t appear to have been opened.

While she may be worried about it happening again, someone on Nature Valley’s Facebook page just wants more.

Controversy in Colorado When a Group of Teens Pose With Guns and a Confederate Flag Pre-Prom

Favorite
news-fail-confederate-flag-prom-shoot
- -

Here it is, straight from Parker, Colorado. The idea for the photoshoot was apparently encouraged by parents and adults nearby, if that makes things better/worse in your mind. Though it wasn't condoned by everyone involved. One of the moms not present to her child's photo being taken had this to say:

"I think in their immaturity they kind of think it's a sort of a cowboy type of thing but then to have parents that support it and feed into it and to explain that it borders on racism is really upsetting to me,"


Some Drug Smugglers Aren't Even Trying Any More

Favorite
funny-news-fail-drug-smuggling-underwear
- -

Customs agents at JFK international airport found themselves looking at this scene during a physical search after Jamaican resident Romario Lewis acted fishy. Sticking drugs (in this case $19,000 in coke) where the sun doesn't shine just isn't in vogue these days, apparently. 

A Shirtless Rabble-Rouser Got Caught in a Basketball Hoop, and it Took a Team of Cops to Get Him Down

Favorite
- -

From what we can tell, the hoop monster in question was a part of Seattle's May Day protests. Or at the very least, he was using the day as a chance to go all Monstars on the hoop. The Seattle Police Department had a good sense of humor about it at least: