Probably bad News

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We really wish there was some part of that headline that wasn't representative of reality. The Florida man in the video here apparently encountered a "fanged woman" at his front door earlier in the day, and foretold of an upcoming human sacrifice. This didn't settle too well with our man, who apparently had to dance out all those feelings on top of a police car.

Hat tip to The Daily Dot.

news-fail-anthrax-delivery
Via: NPR
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A team in Utah's Dugway Proving Ground sent what they thought were inactive samples to various other bases around the world for study before finding out they hadn't been properly irradiated before being sent off.

As NPR reports, the incident isn't as unlikely as you might think. The deadly substance is notoriously hardy and difficult to kill. With billions of potential spores to render inert via radiation, a 99.99% success rate isn't enough to keep samples from being potentially dangerous.

Luckily the threat has been contained and there's no risk to the general public, though surely someone's ass will be grass somewhere down the line...

funny-news-fail-jack-warner-fifa-onion
Via: RobHarris
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Former FIFA Vice President Jack Warner was one of several officials indicted for corruption within the sporting organization. In a long, nearly incoherent rant, Warner tried to make the connection that the US is hypocritical for investigating FIFA while also desiring their own World Cup:



The only problem? That article he's holding is lifted directly from infamous satire site The Onion.

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Spiders have already infiltrated our bananas, and now they’re souring another of our favorite fruits.

A 21-year-old woman in Vermont was recently bitten by a black widow spider after reaching into a bag of grapes she purchased at the local Shaw’s supermarket.

That’s a whole bunch of “nope” right there.

She and her mother captured the little culprit that had crawled up her arm and brought it with them to the hospital where the woman was treated and eventually released.

The creature is identifiable by a red hourglass-shape on its belly, so if you see the mark, stay away.

Here’s the supermarket’s statement about the incident, via WPTZ:

The health and safety of products we sell, and our customers, is our first concern. We have been closely monitoring the situation and been in contact with the family. We replaced product in the customer’s refrigerator as a precaution and took immediate action to inspect the product at the customer’s store. We also are inspecting the product in all of our stores and have been in touch with the supplier, which has an extensive food safety management system in place.

While their venom is poisonous, most people just experience a pin prick followed by dull muscle pain along with other possible symptoms.

According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine:

Severe symptoms usually start to improve within 2 to 3 days, but milder symptoms may persist for several weeks. Death in a normally healthy individual is very rare. Young children, the extremely ill, and the elderly may not survive a bite.

Black widows were also found in bags of grapes in stores across several different states back in 2013.

This mast March a woman in Wales found a Brazilian Wandering Spider in her bag of bananas, which is considered the “world’s most venomous spider” by the Guinness World Records.

Other spiders have also been in the news a lot lately, particularly in Australia, where they are literally raining down from the sky as part of a phenomenon called “mass ballooning.”

Just don’t try to kill any of them, or you might end up with hundreds of even smaller spiders on your hands like this guy did.

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