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Someone Tossed Dog Sh*t at Martin Shkreli, Hitting Him in the Face, and the Internet's Never Going to Get Over It

Mayhaps 2017's not going to be the shit-coated disasterpiece many of us unfortunately, collectively assumed it'd be. But if it is, let the cretins of this fair galaxy like Martin Shkreli quite literally eat shit.

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Martin Shkreli Is Staging an Auction to Let One Very Lucky Person Punch Him in the Face, and the Internet's Already Fired Up

Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about punching Martin Shrekli in the face amidst the plethora of irritating news about the latest dumb thing the jackass said? Yeah, well, turns out Shkreli is feeling extra charitable these days; and in an attempt to raise money for the son of his friend Mike Kulich--the XHamster publicist who passed away--he's letting the highest bidder punch him in the face.

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Stephen Colbert Landed the Ultimate Mic Drop Moment During Martin Shkreli Beef on Twitter

It all started when The Late Show dropped a tweet in reference to one of Stephen Colbert's opening jokes on Friday.

If you haven't been following, pharma-bro Martin Shkreli is in the news again for endorsing the price spike of an EpiPen made by Mylan Pharmaceuticals that went from less than $100 to $608.61.

Martin Shkreli took notice to The Late Show tweet and responded to the joke. Soon after, Stephen Colbert (from his personal Twitter) responded to Shkreli in very Colbert-like fashion.

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woman describes tinder date with pharma bro martin shkreli
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If there was ever a time to point to something and say "see, girls really do like jerks!" this would be it.

Late last year, a woman named Jacklyn Collier went on a date with pharma bro Martin Shkreli some time after his AIDs drug price hike occurred. And then she wrote about it for The Washington Post.

They 'met' on Tinder, where he wooed her with lines like "I’m that guy who has been in the news lately," and sent her photos of his license and credit card as proof of identity. Who could resist a date with that guy? To be fair, Collier describes her motivations for the date as a little less than perfectly honest:

I also had a fantasy of being the manic pixie dream girl who helped him turn his life around. I pictured us opening an HIV/AIDS clinic together and wandering the streets of New York, handing out wads of cash to homeless people and other strangers.


On their date, Shkreli was apparently very awkward and polite. Collier is a vegetarian, so Shkreli (via his assistant) made sure the restaurant could accomodate her diet:

Martin asked, “Is there a vegetarian menu? My assistant said there was a vegetarian menu. There’s a vegetarian menu, right?” He wasn’t being a jerk; it was more of an “I’m stressed because my date doesn’t put raw fish in her mouth” kind of comment.


Aw, he was stressed! He also apparently admitted that just one drink was enough for him: "Martin told me that he was a lightweight, something I’d never heard a man admit on a date (or ever)." Collier seems kind of impressed by this.



As the date went on, Collier and Shkreli discussed their days and Shkreli layed on some thick philanthropy talk, but overall seemed like an okay dude:

Throughout our date, I saw occasional glimpses of the cocky Martin I had expected, but those were the moments that seemed the most false to me, as if putting on a confident-dude front. He seemed the most genuine when he was acting like the guys I hung out with in high school (I dated the president of the chess club); that’s probably why I felt so comfortable on our date.


At the end of the date, Shkreli pulled a real power move that Collier totally didn't see coming: he ordered a $120 cup of tea they had joked about being ridiculous earlier, then proceeded to tell Collier he wasn't much of a tea drinker. Collier describes her reaction to the moment: 

I thought of all the good I could do with that money — donating it to charity, buying a new winter coat, buying myself 20 Venti iced soy vanilla chai lattes. He might as well have eaten a $100 bill in front of me.


Afterwards, Shkreli's driver took Collier home. She was left not interested in dating him, but without the sour taste one would expect from spending an evening with 2015's most hated dude:

I am not trying to excuse his professional behavior or say he’s a good person. (I can’t really tell from one date and occasional text communication.) But he’s a lot more interesting and complex than I would have imagined.

My only regret is not guzzling a cup of that $120 tea. As far as Tinder dates go, I’d call that a win.

Loser of The Day: Martin Shkreli Fakes Fractured Wrist After Bernie Sanders Refuses Donation
Via Gawker
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Giant man-toddler and "Most Hated Man in America" Martin Shkreli just can't stop digging that hole.

The guy who raised prices of a life-saving cancer and AIDS drug by over 5000 percent is really, really mad right now.

Why is he mad?

Because Bernie Sanders wouldn't accept his campaign donation.

He wasn't feeling the Bern, so he went and fractured his wrist.

OR DID HE?

A reverse image search shows that his "fractured wrist" is just a stock image.

What do you have to say about that, Mr. Shkreli?

Girl matches with Martin Shkreli on Tinder, proceeds to talk with him about capitalism.
Via evepeyser
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For the love of god, swipe left.

Remember Martin Shkreli? You know that guy who bought the cheap, life-saving AIDS drug and then raised the price by 5000 percent?

Well, just like everyone you know, he's on Tinder and Eve Peyser matched with him. She recognized him and wanted to start a frank conversation about his business practices.

It went about as well as you'd expect.









Yeah, seems like a regular, misunderstood dude. Hope he finds true love on Tinder.