Woman Stabs Husband Over "Terrible Dump"

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you make bad poop, you're gonna get stabbed
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A japanese woman has allegedly slashed her husband across the face after he left the bathroom in a less than usable state. 

The man had been eating Pepper Jack Cheez-Its® (I can only assume it was an unconscionable amount) prior to the dump in question.

Via Metro:

Her anger was further fuelled when he tried to help their 3-year-old son use the toilet ‘without washing his own hands first’, she said, Jiji Press and other local media reported.

‘The toilet stinks so much that the child cannot even use it,’ Jiji reported her as saying.



Everything Went Off Without a Hitch for the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field, Except for All the Pee

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Things were rough at the opening game for the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field. The stadium began a massive renovation project, but due to inclimate weather this past winter progress has been minimal. Despite all this, the Cubs insisted their field was prepared for opening day.

Cut to this weekend, where only two of the men's rooms in the entire stadium were functional. Literally thousands of fans waited in line for as long as an hour to take a leak, leading many to pee in cups, or make liquid graffiti of their names on the wall like children. Food shortages meant that many fans were left with nothing but french fries to snack on as the game progressed. 

The Cubs ended up losing their game 3-0 against the St. Louis Cardinals

Presenting the World's Stealthiest Deuce at a Turkish Hospital

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Warning: There's a visible turd at the end of this video. Watch at your discretion.

A California Bank Robbery Suspect Was "Told by the Virgin Mary" to Eat His Own Poop on the Witness Stand

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If there has ever been a reasonable case for a plea of insanity, maybe it's this one.

Andrew Gilbertson is charged with robbing a Bank of America in October 2013 - which is perhaps the first bullet point in an insane person. I mean come on, there are SO many easier illegal ways to get money in 2015. While taking the stand this Wednesday, he reached into his pants to grab his own personal brand for a snack, as instructed to him by the Virgin Mary herself.

Unsurprisingly, the court was called into a recess, where a mental health expert was called in to analyze Gilbertson's behavior.

Here's a video report of the full story, which thankfully does not feature any actual footage of the "One Disturbed Man, One Cup" incident:



Hat tip to Uproxx.