I think there's one moral to the stories you're about to read:
Under NO circumstances should you attempt to fornicate with coconuts or any other fruit. You might THINK you can succeed where the others have failed, but based on these accounts you'll probably end up hurting yourself in some way.
All these stories stemmed from one guy's TIFU (Today I F**ked UP) post which is the first story on this list. This prompted many others to tell their awful attempts at doing the dirty with coconuts, and it turns out a surprising number of people have tried it.
At this point we're surprised that the story of 'Adam and Eve' doesn't involve a coconut instead of an apple.