A Store Clerk Gives a Hilarious Play-by-Play of Her Own Thwarted Robbery

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This man in Salt Lake City, Utah was arrested just minutes after this inept robbery, where he spent five whole minutes asking for cash and cigarettes. Five minutes, in case you weren't aware, is plenty of time to get the police to your location - especially if the sarcastic clerk in question is able to sneak around and get your license plate number.

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This Crook Thought it Would be a Good Idea to Swipe $15,000 in Goods Next to a Krav Maga Studio

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That's David Menzies right there. Mezies had a plan so simple it was stupid: Test drive a new Jeep, smash and grab some goods from a bike store, then drive off with his new vehicle.

What he didn't think too much about was that the store he wanted to rob was right next to the Hammerfist Krav Maga school. That's where co-owner Jason Carrio comes in. 

Carrio attempted to call the police, but when it was clear that Menzies was about to make away with the bikes and goods, he ripped him out of his vehicle and subdued him until authorities arrived. A pretty ballsy move!

Almost as ballsy as trying to conduct a robbery next to a bunch of trained martial artists.

Next Time You Think You're Dumb, Remember This Mugger Who Called the Police After He Lost His Phone... While Mugging Someone

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Paul Knight from the UK here ripped away a woman's bag (perhaps searching for the cheeky Nando's inside) while she was walking home with her husband. After he had left the scene he realized he dropped his phone along the way. And what better way to get back your lost goods than ask the police for help?

That did not end well.

The money quote, however, comes from the case's judge Edward Bindloss:

You dropped your mobile phone and in a rather unsophisticated act you telephoned the police and inquired if someone had handed it in. That is how you came to be arrested.


A Bank Robber is Behind Bars After Posting All of His Deeds on Instagram

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The best part? He insists that he just "politely asked" for the $150,000 and the bank teller gave it to him willingly. That's no way to get faves and likes, dude.