Criminally Dumb Criminal

funny-news-fail-krav-maga-robbery
Via: Death and Taxes Mag
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That's David Menzies right there. Mezies had a plan so simple it was stupid: Test drive a new Jeep, smash and grab some goods from a bike store, then drive off with his new vehicle.

What he didn't think too much about was that the store he wanted to rob was right next to the Hammerfist Krav Maga school. That's where co-owner Jason Carrio comes in. 

Carrio attempted to call the police, but when it was clear that Menzies was about to make away with the bikes and goods, he ripped him out of his vehicle and subdued him until authorities arrived. A pretty ballsy move!

Almost as ballsy as trying to conduct a robbery next to a bunch of trained martial artists.

funny-news-fail-mugger-lost-phone
Via: Sunderland Echo
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Paul Knight from the UK here ripped away a woman's bag (perhaps searching for the cheeky Nando's inside) while she was walking home with her husband. After he had left the scene he realized he dropped his phone along the way. And what better way to get back your lost goods than ask the police for help?

That did not end well.

The money quote, however, comes from the case's judge Edward Bindloss:

You dropped your mobile phone and in a rather unsophisticated act you telephoned the police and inquired if someone had handed it in. That is how you came to be arrested.


Via: Fox59
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The best part? He insists that he just "politely asked" for the $150,000 and the bank teller gave it to him willingly. That's no way to get faves and likes, dude.

funny-news-fail-drug-smuggling-underwear
Via: CBP
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Customs agents at JFK international airport found themselves looking at this scene during a physical search after Jamaican resident Romario Lewis acted fishy. Sticking drugs (in this case $19,000 in coke) where the sun doesn't shine just isn't in vogue these days, apparently.