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Watch This Hockey Player Score a Goal on His Own Team with His Own Butt — Yeah, That's Right, His Butt

You might assume that your butt has your back, but you know what they say happens when you assume: You make an "ass" out of "u" and "me."

Minnesota Wild goalie Darcy Kuemper learned this the hard way, when his butt stabbed him in the back and scored a goal on his own team. 

I don't care where you're from, that's gotta hurt. 

butt sports goal hockey - 1657861
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The Reviews Are In! This Tiny Phone Sold On Amazon Fits Snuggly In Your Butt and Is Perfect for Prison

When you get arrested, you only get one phone call, but with this handy little guy, you can make as many as you need. 

Amazon is currently selling a "Beat The Boss 3in1" cellphone designed to do just that. With its compact design and rounded edges, you'll have no trouble at all shoving this thing where the sun don't shine and getting it behind bars. Yup, this is the perfect cellphone to cram into your ass and use in prison. 

Check out these specs:

Wow! The size of a finger! Sounds like this is just the phone you need to beat the boss. But don't take my word for it, check out what these satisfied customers thought:

Picture of phone from Amazon that is very small and fits in your hand or other body parts.
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fail guy smuggles gold in his butt
Via: Death and Taxes
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This criminal really went up his own ass. 

A former Royal Canadian Mint worker who tried to steal gold by smuggling it through metal detectors via his butt is getting 30 months in jail. But here's a kick in the pants: He was convicted by Ontario Court judge Peter Doody. 

C'mon, guys. You're shitting me. This is like a murder suspect being
convicted by the Honorable Judge Knife Plundge.

via Fearless Flyer

Please don't put those in your mouth


Apparently, Leston Lawrence, the butt gold smuggler, had the job of "purifying recently procured gold" and being in charge of all irony at the Mint. He got caught trying to cash to checks worth $15,200 from Ottawa Gold Buyers, which tipped off the bank. All in all, he stole 22 gold pucks worth $165,451.14.

via GIPHY

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Guy Gets Massive Tattoo of a Goose on His Ass. Delivering on an Internet Promise in the Most Epic Way Possible

Back in early December there was an epic meme war between two Canadian Universities.

It culminated in 'SseCn8jx', a student at one of the universities, posting that if his post got more than 2000 upvotes he would tattoo a goose on his ass.

After months of waiting here at memebase we finally have our

Beautiful. Cheeky. Delivery.

op delivers Canada butt memewar tattoo - 1337861
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