Once you're done weeping into your bowl of sad-soup, go check out some more Emo kids!

I'm pretty sure Larry David is just talking about every single person here.

No attempts at humor here, just the truth. Let that one sit with you for a second.

Not shown: American Apparel - $35 (and you feel a little gross for wearing it).

DATING - PERSONALS:

"Totally cute and awesome goth chick looking for elder-statesmen straight-shooter who is totally only into goth chicks for NSA fun-times. Must be partially bald and otherwise physically unfit. No scammers or frauds."

Printed in: "The Daily WILL NEVER EXIST," Vol. X Issue: IN YOUR DREAMS.

From the department of Poorly Dressed studies.