Don't worry, in a few scant hours you'll be molting away like all the other pale kids.

Wait, no, that doesn't make sense. OH GOD WHAT AM I LOOKING AT.

In some cultures, the sudden onset of wound-like patterns on the skin of the top of the feet is called "Croc-mata."

Using an intense mathematical algorithm, we can now determine your shirt size using only the ratios available to us in your burned and un-burned skin!

"Extra Crispy" is the one holding the camera, for the record.

I mean, clearly her hide is tanned and scorched like the best of them. Bring on the gasoline shortage!

They say the contrast between teal and orange makes the subject appear more vibrant and emotive. I'll let you take a look at these bronzed knuckle-heads and determine that for yourself.