That's Usually How I Determine Which Undies to Wear

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That's Usually How I Determine Which Undies to Wear
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Well that, and whatever underwear can make my junk look like a firearm. Thankfully both of my criteria are filled (just like the pouches in this pic here).

Classy Evening Wear

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Classy Evening Wear
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This is why we don't dig into mom and dad's private photo albums.

My Body is Not Ready

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My Body is Not Ready
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The "Mouth in front of a powerful fan" look is symbolic. Symbolic of how much this blows.

It'll Get Me To Stay Away From People Like This, Though

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It'll Get Me To Stay Away From People Like This, Though
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You know what else doesn't get you laid? Improper apostrophe use. For shame!