Chad and his mullet just want you to relax, baby. It's hard working being a mom. Shhhhh. There, there. It's all good, babe.

He won't sting you with his arrows, but he whips you with his mullet. As you can see, it's frickin' irresistible.

Don't touch it, its tentacles will sting you.

I must know the context of this. Someone give me a backstory. NOW.

Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?

"Do you think, you know, maybe you wanna go grab some soy burgers or something? Or maybe just chill at my place and watch Double Dare?"