Stop. Patriotism Time.

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Alternatively: "'Merica's back on a brand new MISSION."

Well, It Didn't Happen QUITE Like That, But Basically

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I mean, some history buffs will try and trick you into thinking it was more complicated than this, but no seriously dude that was totally it.

These Shoes Were Made For 'Merica

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Unfortunately, they were not made for flat feet. Sorry to all of our arch-less patriots out there!

Oh Nice, You Made a Target For Us

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They just keep making it so easy for us, you know?

How Much Love For America? Full Body Suit Love.

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These colors don't run. Except when I go on my morning jog, then they sorta saunter around.

Run With All the Freedom of 'MERICA

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These shoes get you in the ol' U.S.A. spirit? Perhaps you want to see how our athletes are doing at the Olympics over at ROFLympics!