You Win This Time, Twinkies!

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You Win This Time, Twinkies!
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Remember people: The answer is always another slice of pizza.

Don't Get Distracted, Look Her in the Eyes

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Don't Get Distracted, Look Her in the Eyes
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I mean, assuming there aren't any extra eyes hanging around elsewhere.

Please Say That's Spray-Tan

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Please Say That's Spray-Tan
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Wait, no, that doesn't make sense. OH GOD WHAT AM I LOOKING AT.

The Stripes Help Not One Bit

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The Stripes Help Not One Bit
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Hyper color stripes have never been known for their slimming properties.

Excuse Me, Your Tendons Are Showing

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Excuse Me, Your Tendons Are Showing
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Perfect for that Mary Roach-loving physiology major in your life!

It'll Get Me To Stay Away From People Like This, Though

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It'll Get Me To Stay Away From People Like This, Though
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You know what else doesn't get you laid? Improper apostrophe use. For shame!