Don't Worry Little Guy, We Got You Covered

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Don't Worry Little Guy, We Got You Covered
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I mean, you're good for another couple of years until girls start becoming interesting.

It'll Get Me To Stay Away From People Like This, Though

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It'll Get Me To Stay Away From People Like This, Though
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You know what else doesn't get you laid? Improper apostrophe use. For shame!

Well If You Insist, I'll Put My Foot There

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Well If You Insist, I'll Put My Foot There
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What's that? Left foot on red too? I couldn't possibly do that!

Weird, Because I'm Looking For Someone Who Wears Everything on His Sleeve...

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Weird, Because I'm Looking For Someone Who Wears Everything on His Sleeve...
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DATING - PERSONALS:

"Totally cute and awesome goth chick looking for elder-statesmen straight-shooter who is totally only into goth chicks for NSA fun-times. Must be partially bald and otherwise physically unfit. No scammers or frauds."

Printed in: "The Daily WILL NEVER EXIST," Vol. X Issue: IN YOUR DREAMS.