JEEZUS DUDE WHY WOULD YOU? You were SO close to being awesome until you were like "durr hurr I'm going to pamper my feet with ugly overpriced boots today."
"Fair young Barbarian, take with you this Shield of the Bacon, the Carapace of the PBR, and the Blade of the Yeungling! With these, you shall smite the weaker, less WINning of your mortal counterparts and take with you the fullness of glory and honor to Valhalla! GO, GO AND BE VICTORIOUS!"