bacon

You can with this scarf.
(h/t Indulgd)

"Fair young Barbarian, take with you this Shield of the Bacon, the Carapace of the PBR, and the Blade of the Yeungling! With these, you shall smite the weaker, less WINning of your mortal counterparts and take with you the fullness of glory and honor to Valhalla! GO, GO AND BE VICTORIOUS!"

No matter how conservative you may be you'd still probably ask her to take this off.