(Me closing my laptop, teamspeak automatically logs out):
Dad: Son, I'm using your PC for a sec.
(Opens laptop, teamspeak automatically logs in.)
Friend: Hey, hey, are you there? Say something!
Dad: OHMYGOD your computer is talking to me!!
Dad: I'm the god of computers!
(My little cousin wanted a dog, but we bought him a gerbil.)
Store Worker: which one do you like?
Cousin: The brown one with the big ears
Store Worker: *Hands it to him*
Me: What are you gonna name him?
(My grandma and I walking past a group of guys playing tennis with their shirts off.)
Me: Oh I love tennis! I wish I could play with them.
Grandma: I want to play with them too, but I want to play a different game.
Dad (to me): What am I going to do with that bag you made a hole in?
Mom (serious): Why don't you fix it with some dubstep?
*My dad and I laughing really loudly*
(Turned out she meant ducktape)
(Us at table eating tapioca. My uncle Ralph *has finished his but there is no more):
Uncle Ralph: Hey did you know semen is low calorie food? Five calories per go!
Me and Brothers: *Push away food* Eeeeeeeeew.
Uncle Ralph: Well if you're not gonna eat it....
(This was a few years back while we were watching David Tennant on "Friday Night with Jonathan Ross")
Dad: If he can speak English properly, why dosen't he always do it?
Me: ... What? He is speaking proper English.
Dad: No he's not, he's got an accent. You can't speak proper English with an accent.
(After watching an ad against drunk driving)
Dad: Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly!
Mom: Yeah, that's a good lesson to teach your sixteen year old daughter.
Dad: It's true! Don't make me throw my coffee mug at you.
"Look Ma, No Pants!"
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