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Me: Hey Dad, why did you and mom have me so late in your marriage?
Dad: Well, 18 years ago, your brother came out of the closet. And Mom was complaining that now she'll never have grandkids.
Me: So I was born for the sole purpose of replacing my brother?
Dad: Exactly.(He was dead serious)
(After taking a bite of dinner)
Me: This tastes funny.
Mom: The bottle said the poison was suppose to be undetectable.
Dad: I did alot of crazy things when I was a kid.
Me: Like what?
Dad: Well once I did a whole bunch of cocaine and threw a TV through a ten story window. Good thing you only do pot.
Me: I... I got nothin'...
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