(17 yr old daughter on phone to Grandmother with me in same room.)
Daughter: Nana, do you have any AAA Batteries?
Me (yelling to be heard on phone): It's for her vibrator!
Nana (which daughter repeats to me): You need D size.
Me (which daughter repeats over phone): Speaking from experience?
Daughter: Ewww, must be true, Nana isn't saying anything!
Dad: It's hard to have a conversation with you when you're coughing so much.
Mom: Then talk to your hand. It was your first love, wasn't it?
(My dad talking to my brother after the dog pulled a condom out of his wallet.)
Dad: Why is there a condom in your wallet?
Brother: Because, Dad, I'm sexually active.
Dad: I know but you can't get your hand pregnant...
(My dad's home is kinda little so him and my brother sleep in the same bed, one morning he told me this):
Dad: Hey, have you talked to your brother about masturbation?
Me (laughing): No! Why?
Dad: 'Cause last night he was fapping right next to me.
Neville Longbottom Scandalizes J.K. Rowling With His Huge ...
The Avengers Gets Gender Swapped
Atheist Arya Doesn't Have Time for Your Religion
Someone Figured Out How Far Frodo and Sam Walked
Questions From 9th Graders That Will Make You Relive the ...
The Last Thing a Drunk Canadian in a Canoe Would Expect: ...
Wait for It: The Worst Response Time for a Bank Robbery
This Cat Isn't Impressed With Your Booty Dancing, and Neither ...
Coles Just Wants You to Blaze it Up. How Terrible...
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more