(Watching show about El Chupacabra with my uncle.) Narrator: Last sightings were seen in Texas... Me: Texas, its always texas. Uncle: What? Me: Nasty creatures sucking the blood of farm animals. Uncle: Probably their governor.

(After a family party. Aunt and Uncle are getting ready to leave and are picking up left overs.) Uncle: Hey, Sher, we gonna take this fruit home? Gay uncle: Uh, I'm standing right here!