...but his parents have just been letting him watch too many terrible sitcoms.
Me: *answers* This is road kill cafe you kill we grill it, this is Sam speaking!
Mom's boyfriend: *hangs up*
Mom: Why'd you do that!?
Me: Don't worry he'll be by to pick up his fried raccoon in an hour.
Dad: You know what I'll do when you bring a boy you like to meet me?
Me(a little worried): What?
Dad: I'll take him out into the yard to talk with him. Make him dig a hole, then bury him in it.
Dad: If you want to date, date somebody who's going to harass you, so I'll at least have an excuse when the police bring me into custody.
This is Literally the Last Place in the World You Want to ...
Photoshop Battle of the Day: The Unimpressed Lizard
Scientists Are Making the Holodeck
What If Disney Princesses Were Sloths
DashCon Was a Rousing Success This Year!
Jurassic Park From The Velociraptor's Perspective
A Grieving Father Asked Redditors to Photoshop a Picture ...
The Devourer of Worlds
Denny's Makes a Well-Timed Potshot at Dashcon
This Weekend's #twitterpurge is More Proof That We Can't ...
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more