(My Dad and I at Burger King)
Dad: I want a whopper with extra bacon, I want a large fry, I want two cokes, and I want it delivered to my table by a Brazilian hooker.
Dad: YOU HEARD ME! I WANT TO HAVE IT MY WAY!
(My dad in response to Tyler, the Creator's "Bitch Suck Dick")
Dad: Did he just say he's f**king a unicorn?
Me: Yes, yes he sure did
Dad: I don't blame him.... I'd f**k a unicorn, they're sexy as hell.
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