Dad: How did work go today? Me: (A daycare toddler teacher) The kids were rambunctious today. Dad: Kick the little @#$!ers in the head enough, they'll calm down.

Sister (singing like the Black Eyed Peas): Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? Dad (obviously having no idea that it's a song) : I'll tell you what you're going to do with all of it, clean it out! (followed by a long, angry lecture about the various junk my sister had left in the trunk of the car and needed to take out)