(My dad talking to my brother after the dog pulled a condom out of his wallet.)
Dad: Why is there a condom in your wallet?
Brother: Because, Dad, I'm sexually active.
Dad: I know but you can't get your hand pregnant...
Mom: OK: No drugs, no alcohol, no sex and no boys.
Dad: Basically we want you to have a sh**ty time.
Mom: I love the internet language.
Boyfriend: You mean like viruses and trojans?
Mom: Yeah, those. *snickering* You know if you use a Trojan, you won't get a virus!
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