(Talking about my friend's dad being cooler) Dad: Well does he play video games with you? Me: Yes... Dad: Does he watch porn with you? Me: What? No why wo... Dad: Come on, we are going to the video store.

(Walking my dog with my Mum, who noticed that there were loads of spider nests.) Mum: Woah, those spiders are at it! Me: What? Mum: I wonder how they do it. I mean, where do all of the legs go? Me: Mum, that's just creepy. Mum: Spider Porn!