Dad: Don't go into the dark, the Boogie Man will get you.
Me: You're the Boogie man, and the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny
Dad: Don't talk about my sex life.
Mom: Can I have some ice cream?
Mom: I'll give you sex.
(Driving down the road nice and smoothly with my dad. Soon traffic hits and we come to an almost stop.)
Dad: What are we stopped for? A sex toy party?
Dad: I brake for edible underwear!
(Me and my uncle walking through a park he's 23 and I'm 17.)
Uncle: *Points to a group of bushes*. That's where me and your auntie had sex for the first time.
Me: I didn't need to know that.
Uncle: Yep, we were both 14 and drunk and stoned out of our heads.
Me: Wow... So many laws broken, that's true love right there...
Me: So Mom, whats your New Year's resoloution?
Mom: (looks up slowly) New year..... New sexuality (goes back to TV)
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