(Sister helping me with Chemistry in the front room when Mother grooves into the room, singing)
Mother: I am the queen of vagina, I am queen of promiscuous, I am queen of gen-
Me: Mum! What the futz?!
Mother: It's not everyday you find a song you relate to! Leave me alone! (continues singing)
Me: So Mom, whats your New Year's resoloution?
Mom: (looks up slowly) New year..... New sexuality (goes back to TV)
Mom: I wonder what I can get your Dad for Christmas.
Me(being silly): Your Mother!
Mom: He doesn't want THAT.
(Me and my uncle walking through a park he's 23 and I'm 17.)
Uncle: *Points to a group of bushes*. That's where me and your auntie had sex for the first time.
Me: I didn't need to know that.
Uncle: Yep, we were both 14 and drunk and stoned out of our heads.
Me: Wow... So many laws broken, that's true love right there...
(Talking to my 9-year-old brother)
Me: Hey, do you know who is coming on Saturday night?
Mom: Your Dad, if he's lucky.
(Me brushing my teeth)
(Gargling, Dad walks in holds my nose and says)
Me: (Spits everything on him)
Dad: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! EVERYONE SWALLOWS IN THIS HOUSE!
Mom: That's right dear.
Things That Prove Adults Don't Make Good Decisions
Behold the World's Largest Firework Being Launched 2000 Feet ...
15 Horribly Spaced Words
Motorcycle Rider on His Way to Steal Your Girl
Epic Crash at the Tour De France
This Siberian Husky Is Anyone After A Few Too Many Edibles
Presidential Candidate Bobby Jindal’s #AskBobby Hashtag Was ...
Be Careful What You Wish for When You Ask Your Husband for ...
3 Signs You Need to Re-Evaluate Your Life Choices
Pick Your Site Name
Tell us more about it