(My mom and I discussing school projects)
Me: Essay projects are one of the few school projects that I don't mind doing, since they're not a right answer-wrong answer sort of thing.
Mom: I actually like more solid foundations, like in math: 2 + 2 will always be 2... Wait a second...
(Dad got a deer this season and is processing it himself).
Me: Ugh... There's body parts all inside the freezer.
Mom: People are going to think we're John Wayne Gacy.
Me: Didn't he have sex with the bodies first?
Mom: You weren't there.
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Me: I'm going to discipline my kids better when I have them. I'm going to lock them in a closet.
Mom: Oh... That's what I did with you...
Mom: Where are you going?
Me: Uh, ya know. just gonna knock over a 7-11, go to a strip club, beat up some hookers.
Mom: Okay... If you get caught, you're staying the night in jail. it builds character.
Me: I don't want to become an astronaut, because if something goes wrong, I'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere with no help.
Mom: Don't worry about that! If you get hurt in space, you'll just die!
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