(Dad got a deer this season and is processing it himself). Me: Ugh... There's body parts all inside the freezer. Mom: People are going to think we're John Wayne Gacy. Me: Didn't he have sex with the bodies first? Mom: You weren't there.

Me: I'm going to discipline my kids better when I have them. I'm going to lock them in a closet. Mom: Oh... That's what I did with you...

Mom: Where are you going? Me: Uh, ya know. just gonna knock over a 7-11, go to a strip club, beat up some hookers. Mom: Okay... If you get caught, you're staying the night in jail. it builds character.

Me: I don't want to become an astronaut, because if something goes wrong, I'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere with no help. Mom: Don't worry about that! If you get hurt in space, you'll just die!