(Asking mom what a Kegel ball was)
Mom: Its something you put up your vagina to excersize the kegel muscles
Me: MOM, GOD STOP!
Bother: Oh, I could use one of those right now.
Mom: Well you could put up your anus.
Me (on phone): Hi mom, I'm just calling to let you know I survived the dorm fire.
Me: Yeah, we had a fire last night!
Mom: Did you start it?
(I've been learning to drive for about six months, and I'm driving a different car than I normally do.)
Me: How do you turn on the lights for this car?
Mama: Why do you need the lights?
Me: Uhm... Because I don't want to die?
(Me brushing my teeth)
(Gargling, Dad walks in holds my nose and says)
Me: (Spits everything on him)
Dad: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! EVERYONE SWALLOWS IN THIS HOUSE!
Mom: That's right dear.
Mom: Is it true your sister smokes weed?
Me: Yeah. Duh.
Mom: What problems could a fifteen-year-old possibly have that they would need weed for?! I NEED WEED TO PUT UP WITH RAISING THAT CHILD!
This is What Movie Posters Would Look Like if Their 1-Star ...
Single Topic Blog of the Day: Coloring Book Corruptions Takes ...
That's What You Get of the Day: Guy Tries to Take a Selfie ...
And That's How I Met My Best Friend
Both Parties Look Ridiculous When IGN Reviews Editor Dan ...
This Dad Makes Lunches That Are Almost Too Cute to Eat
deviantART User Sakimichan Imagines What Famous Animated ...
No One Grosses Me Out Like Gaston
We Should Change His Name To Rich Grayson
Jimmy Johns' Has Brilliant Bathroom Tiles That Ask You What ...
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more