Mom: (to my Dad) Honey, will you get me a glass of water?
Dad: (looks at me) Get her a glass of water.
(I give him a look.)
Dad: We feed and clothe you, slave. Get the water!
(Talking about moving to a town in Washington with my mother)
Me: We're moving to Pullman, Washington.
Mom: Oh, that nice. You've got to go see the Lincoln Memorial and the other things there.
Me, staring at my mother: Pullman, Washington...
Mom, clueless: Yeah, Washington is our national capital.
Me, shaking head: Our capital is Washington D.C.. We're moving to Washington state.
Mom: There's a difference?
Mom: Hum the Star Spangled Banner
Mom: Well is it patriotic?
(I hum it for her)
Mom: Wait isn't that the national anthem? Is the Star Spangled Banner the national anthem?
Mom: Oh, I didn't know that. That's exactly what I want!
See more funny childhood lols on Parenting FAILs!
(Somehow my mom and I ended up talking about penises, I was trying to change subject.)
Me: Anyways how was-
Mom: Just so you know you're not allowed to marry a man with a small penis.
Mom: Yeah. I don't want any small penises messing up our family genes.
Mom: What? Do you really want me to tell you about your father's?
Me: No! No, No. No.
Mom: Cause he was huuuuge!
Me: Oh my God, mom!
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