Me: Mom, I don't want to eat meat tonight. I just got done dissecting a pig.
Mom: What? You won't eat meat because of that?! What's going to happen if you go to medical school and dissect humans? Will you stop eating humans too?
(In my Oma's kitchen talking about how much tile i put down while fixing the house. I'm female.)
Me: You see these hands?! These are the hands of a working man!
Oma: With a rack like that, I don't think you're much of a man.
Me: You knew what I meant!
(Asking mom what a Kegel ball was)
Mom: Its something you put up your vagina to excersize the kegel muscles
Me: MOM, GOD STOP!
Bother: Oh, I could use one of those right now.
Mom: Well you could put up your anus.
(My mom and I discussing school projects)
Me: Essay projects are one of the few school projects that I don't mind doing, since they're not a right answer-wrong answer sort of thing.
Mom: I actually like more solid foundations, like in math: 2 + 2 will always be 2... Wait a second...
(My mom walks in to my room as I'm pulling my pants up from masturbating.)
Mom: What were you doing.
Me: Uh... Nothing
Mom: OK, just a tip, next time, do "nothing" in the bathroom.
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