(I read my mother a messed up text where a kid's phone said that they 'blew' their teacher instead of 'drew' him.)
Me: I'm positive that there were kids I went to high school that were doing something other than homework to get better grades.
Mom: I never did that. For one, I refuse to compromise my morals and for another, I don't like that.
Mom: You probably didn't want to hear that, did you?
Me: No, not really.
(My mom, while looking at the price of caviar this year.)
Mom: WHAT?! you can get COCAINE cheaper than this!
Mother: Don't quote what I say on facebook. Seriously, if you quote what I say you will sleep on the roof for three weeks. And you can quote me on that.
Me: I just saw the coolest bumper sticker, it said "My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips".
Mom (totally seriously): That's not nice, I never try to make you feel guiltly, do I? It would really hurt my feelings if you think I did.
Happy Mother's Day! Click here for more funny momtent!
Me: I don't want to become an astronaut, because if something goes wrong, I'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere with no help.
Mom: Don't worry about that! If you get hurt in space, you'll just die!
Mom: I wonder what I can get your Dad for Christmas.
Me(being silly): Your Mother!
Mom: He doesn't want THAT.
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