Stepdad: When I die, have me cremated. Then, put my ashes in the compost.
Me: Why would we put you in the compost?
Stepdad: So you can put it on the vegetables and eat me!
Mom: No! I'm not eating you! Not when you're dead anyway.
Me: *putting on chapstick*
Dad: Is that stuff good for chapped lips? I wonder if that'd work for my asshole... maybe I should get some.
(Walking my dog with my Mum, who noticed that there were loads of spider nests.)
Mum: Woah, those spiders are at it!
Mum: I wonder how they do it. I mean, where do all of the legs go?
Me: Mum, that's just creepy.
Mum: Spider Porn!
This Makeup Artist Transformed Her Mouth Into Some of Your ...
Stanford Researchers Examine The Science Behind Two of Your ...
Whatever You Do, Do Not Wake Up This Cat!
The Attack on Titan Theme Goes With Everything
Life Sure is Something
Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston Run a Barely Legal Pawn Shop ...
This Kitty Knows How to Ask for Hugs!
When You See It...
We Can Stop Making "Ice Bucket Challenge" Videos After This ...
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more