Stepdad: When I die, have me cremated. Then, put my ashes in the compost.
Me: Why would we put you in the compost?
Stepdad: So you can put it on the vegetables and eat me!
Mom: No! I'm not eating you! Not when you're dead anyway.
Me: *putting on chapstick*
Dad: Is that stuff good for chapped lips? I wonder if that'd work for my asshole... maybe I should get some.
(Walking my dog with my Mum, who noticed that there were loads of spider nests.)
Mum: Woah, those spiders are at it!
Mum: I wonder how they do it. I mean, where do all of the legs go?
Me: Mum, that's just creepy.
Mum: Spider Porn!
The Future is Now: People Experience What it Would Be Like ...
You Can't Unsee This Side of Disney
What I Expected Vs. What I Got: Super Smash Bros. Edition
10 of the Most Amazing Breakup Texts
7 Signs You Shouldn't Be Together
Incredibly Awesome Couple's Tattoos
5 Examples of Why Online Dating Is A Horrible Place
This Interview is an Example of Everything Wrong With the ...
The 2015 Superbowl Commercials Have Arrived and We've Got ...
This Archer Uses Ancient Techniques That Put Legolas and ...
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more