Me: Im shooting daggars out of my eyes.
Dad: Im shooting farts out of my ass.
(A little while later,)
When you're not home I'm going to fart on your pillow.
Stepdad: When I die, have me cremated. Then, put my ashes in the compost.
Me: Why would we put you in the compost?
Stepdad: So you can put it on the vegetables and eat me!
Mom: No! I'm not eating you! Not when you're dead anyway.
Me: *putting on chapstick*
Dad: Is that stuff good for chapped lips? I wonder if that'd work for my asshole... maybe I should get some.
The Struggle Is Real When You're Growing Up With Glasses
After a Woman Steals a Texas News Reporter's Credit Card, ...
Men React to Their Girlfriends Getting Catcalled
In Case You Needed Another Reason to Delete Your Facebook
Remembrance of the Day: New Zealand High Schoolers Honor ...
After 14-Years This Man Shaves His Beard Off and His Family ...
WWE Cuts Ties With Hulk Hogan for Racist Comments and the ...
Take 2 Minutes and Enjoy This Amazing Crime Stoppers Video
Girlfriends Describe Their Boyfriends' Junk To A Police Sketch ...
When Kanye West's Mic Fails, He Does Exactly What You 'd ...
Pick Your Site Name
Tell us more about it