(Talking with my grandmother about how hard it was raising kids in the 60's) Me: Gramma? If it was so hard raising the first three, why did you keep having kids? Gramma: Well, Joel... Me and your grandfather liked to have sex. Me: ... (Image hasn't left my head to this day)

(I had wrapped a bottle of wine to give to my grandfather as a Christmas Present) Me: Merry Christmas, Grandad! Grandad: (without opening it) Oh, lovely! A jumbo size pack of condoms! Just what I needed! Grandmother: That's an oddly shaped box of condoms... Grandad: (pointing to his crotch) Hey, they haven't seen the shape of this yet!

(Going to visit my grandma, my little sister just walks in her house) Me:(to my sister) Hey, learn to knock. What if grandma isn't dressed or has company? Grandma: Yeah! What if I have company and we're naked?!

(My grandma thought it was totally appropriate to tell me about her first time with my now deceased grandpa.) Grandma: I looked at that thing and I said "That'll NEVER fit!" Me: *Awkward laugh* Oh hehe, that's pretty crazy! Grandma: Say, why don't you ever bring your boyfriend over here to visit? (maybe it's cause you tell gross sex stories.)

(My grandma and I walking past a group of guys playing tennis with their shirts off.) Me: Oh I love tennis! I wish I could play with them. Grandma: I want to play with them too, but I want to play a different game. Me: O_o