(In my Oma's kitchen talking about how much tile i put down while fixing the house. I'm female.)
Me: You see these hands?! These are the hands of a working man!
Oma: With a rack like that, I don't think you're much of a man.
Me: You knew what I meant!
(In the living room about 15 minutes before Thanksgiving Dinner with 20 family members and Grandma.)
Gram: I think somebody farted.
Younger Brother: You know what they say Gram, they who smelled it, dealt it.
Gram: (laughs) That's true.
Gram; No, I was wrong, somebody's crapped themselves.
See more fashion disasters at Poorly Dressed!
(17 yr old daughter on phone to Grandmother with me in same room.)
Daughter: Nana, do you have any AAA Batteries?
Me (yelling to be heard on phone): It's for her vibrator!
Nana (which daughter repeats to me): You need D size.
Me (which daughter repeats over phone): Speaking from experience?
Daughter: Ewww, must be true, Nana isn't saying anything!
(I had wrapped a bottle of wine to give to my grandfather as a Christmas Present)
Me: Merry Christmas, Grandad!
Grandad: (without opening it) Oh, lovely! A jumbo size pack of condoms! Just what I needed!
Grandmother: That's an oddly shaped box of condoms...
Grandad: (pointing to his crotch) Hey, they haven't seen the shape of this yet!
(Going to visit my grandma, my little sister just walks in her house)
Me:(to my sister) Hey, learn to knock. What if grandma isn't dressed or has company?
Grandma: Yeah! What if I have company and we're naked?!
(My grandma thought it was totally appropriate to tell me about her first time with my now deceased grandpa.)
Grandma: I looked at that thing and I said "That'll NEVER fit!"
Me: *Awkward laugh* Oh hehe, that's pretty crazy!
Grandma: Say, why don't you ever bring your boyfriend over here to visit?
(maybe it's cause you tell gross sex stories.)
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