(My grandma thought it was totally appropriate to tell me about her first time with my now deceased grandpa.) Grandma: I looked at that thing and I said "That'll NEVER fit!" Me: *Awkward laugh* Oh hehe, that's pretty crazy! Grandma: Say, why don't you ever bring your boyfriend over here to visit? (maybe it's cause you tell gross sex stories.)

(My mom and my grandma talking during dinner.) Grandma: (talking about our dog) When I went for a drive with Jake in the back seat he just laid on the floor and cried. Mom: Really? Grandma: Yeah, he just laid down and started crying. Mom: That's what I do every time I'm in a car with you driving.

(My grandma and I walking past a group of guys playing tennis with their shirts off.) Me: Oh I love tennis! I wish I could play with them. Grandma: I want to play with them too, but I want to play a different game. Me: O_o

(In my Oma's kitchen talking about how much tile i put down while fixing the house. I'm female.) Me: You see these hands?! These are the hands of a working man! Oma: With a rack like that, I don't think you're much of a man. Me: You knew what I meant!

(We were listening to the radio on the way to school, and a report came on saying how some old people ate brownies with pot.) Me (referring to that 70's show): Haha magic brownies... Mom: We could use those to send grandma to the other side...

(I went out for sushi with my grandma. She just gave me the Heimlich after i choked on the sushi and the the waiter brought fortune cookies.) Grandma: What does yours say, "Take smaller bites"?