(On the phone.)
Me: Could you post me one of my old school shirts? I'm putting together a Hogwarts costume.
Mum: What for?
Me: A Harry Potter night at the student union.
Mum: You should go as a wand!
Me: Mom, I don't want to eat meat tonight. I just got done dissecting a pig.
Mom: What? You won't eat meat because of that?! What's going to happen if you go to medical school and dissect humans? Will you stop eating humans too?
Me: I just saw the coolest bumper sticker, it said "My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips".
Mom (totally seriously): That's not nice, I never try to make you feel guiltly, do I? It would really hurt my feelings if you think I did.
(My brother finally telling our parents he's gay.)
Mom: You can't be gay, you're not good looking and you have no fashion sense.
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